I wanted to use this as a Title for my book, the book I have been writing for far too long. I was the oldest of three and as with many first born a lot of expectations were placed on me and I was very unhappy. I hid my pain by dreaming of princes and magical people who would come into my life to take away my pain, of feeling not loved or wanted. My expectations henceforth of a relationship were really completely unrealistic. I wanted to be loved, to feel like I mattered, to feel I was special and someone really appreciated me. I had a lovely man come into my life when I was 17. and in the end, despite his chivalry, he had issues and was unstable and I had to let him go. He did however, write beautifully and I will share something he wrote about me. I have never shown this to anyone but it is beautiful…
**When the melody of her voice charmed my ear, and the beauty of her traits captivated my eye, I was done with loneliness and fear, My heart was raped and selfishness bade me goodbye.
Gale was her name; like a powerful wind. she swept before her all my dustiness and gave a purpose to my life/ I would find the courage to be and fight for a Princess.
The blue-green of her eyes spoke of hope and clarity, her blond hair recalled the vision of golden fields, her chaste lips helped me on the road to chastity, her fair skin was like velvet to touch and feel.
She knew how to bewitch and to pray, to converse and entertain/ to dream while awake but above all, her own charms to display, and irrevocably, my heart to imprison and take.
Most of all, she was generous and gentle, not content to have given her heart away. She’d be ready to share earnings and mantle, verily, someone must, over her, sway.
How could one, hold power over a Gale, without being whirled away by her passion. Of her encounter I must relate the tale, even to the painful moment of obsession.
My heart already bleeds of her absence but love gives me the strength to accept, her departure toward a fuller presence, acceptation not by obligation, but precept.
******the end written in 1965 by Roger
Now, I was 17 at the time and I found it was not easy to meet people, frankly, even in a big city, it can be a challenge, however I did eventually find a nice man and got married at 23, had two children. However, that marriage ended 20 years ago as we grew apart. I have learnt a lot in the last 20 years about relationships and frankly , despite the odd one that actually lasts, many more people than ever before are leaving their long term relationships. lets face it, life it about learning and growing and one of things that happens is that we are woefully unprepared for the relationship situation. It took me to my sixties to actually find the essence of who I am. For most it will be a lifetime journey. It is a shame we do not have the courage or insight at a younger age… However, the whole cinderella/price charming paradigm within itself sets us up with unrealistic expectations as there are few of either on this planet. That is the reality.
this insight… will continue……